Thankfulness

I am thankful for many things.

I am thankful for a loving Heavenly Father, and his Son, my Savior, Jesus Christ.

I am thankful for family and friends, and a husband who honors his sacred covenants.

I am thankful for science and the advances in breast cancer treatment over the years.

I have breast cancer. I was diagnosed in May 2012 with invasive ductal carcinoma, or IDC, the most common type of breast cancer.

Strangely enough, I didn’t feel like my world was falling apart when I found out. The surgeon was positive about the pathology report. My hormones are all good (positive for estrogen and progesterone, negative for HER2neu). None of my lymph nodes appear to be involved, the tumor is not attached to the chest wall and, while the tumor was large, it is the type that responds well to treatment.

I’m thankful that if I have to have cancer, this is the one to get.

I feel strongly that I will beat this disease. I feel that Heavenly Father is with me in this. I have a strong faith in eternal life and am not afraid to die of cancer. However, I am a little afraid to live with cancer.

At first, I didn’t want to tell anyone about this. In fact, while I was getting the diagnosis I didn’t tell anyone in my family or friends. If there was nothing to worry about then I didn’t want anyone to worry.

Of course, once the results were in I called my parents and brothers and told a few close friends. Rick told his family and children. I still didn’t want to tell everyone, and made sure (I thought) that Rick understood this. Unfortunately, Rick’s idea of not telling anyone and my idea of not telling anyone are miles apart. We had a family move in next to us in the campground we stay in during the summer. It wasn’t quite this blunt, but almost; “Hi. We’re the Haydens, Rick and Joyce. Joyce has breast cancer.”

I knew that some people would need to know – leadership at church, bosses at work (I’d JUST started my new job) and I’d already told my family, but I hoped that the general public would not know right away. While I am very happy to know that people care about me and want to make sure that I’m alright, the thought of constantly answering the question “How are you?” and sharing the information as I learn it was a bit daunting to me. I preferred to keep it all to myself and let information out as and when I was ready.

To that end, when I started my chemotherapy (the surgeon and oncologist both agreed that reducing the tumor before surgery was a good idea – and it worked!) I waited until the second cycle to get my head shaved and started wearing a wig. Now, mind you, he wig wasn’t just a wig, it was a completely different look for me – from redhead to blonde, and from long to short with bangs. Who doesn’t change up their hairstyle once in a while? I still didn’t need to say anything about it being a wig and why.

I started four cycles of AC (Adriamycin and Cytoxan) and by the end of those sessions I was more willing to be up front about what was happening. The first cycle didn’t affect me to terribly badly. I had some nausea, but not as extreme as I feared. The steroids didn’t really kick in right away, and the aches and pains were kept at bay very easily with a combination of pain reliever and Claritin.

By the second cycle I was starting to react more strongly. The “’Roid Rage” I experienced was off the wall and surprised both Rick and me. I was also starting to have some problems with taste, i.e., everything tasted like metal, yuck! And the frustrating thing is that I can smell everything and it smells wonderful. I remember what food is supposed to taste like, but it just never got there. The aches and pains were getting a little more severe, along with some fatigue. I would walk a couple of blocks and feel as if I’d walked miles. Thinking became difficult, too. Everything I did took two to three times longer because I had to keep checking and rechecking myself to make sure I had it right. At home I sometimes didn’t give myself the time to figure that out and got impatient, and made some doozies of mistakes, too.

I’m grateful for forgiveness.

By the third cycle, at the end of July, I was a little more accepting of the fact that I couldn’t power through all of this, and willing to take it a little easier. At this time, I was also willing to let more people know what was going on. I stopped wearing my wig and wore caps and scarves to work and started talking about it to the friends I’ve made there. I began attending some support groups at The Victory Center in Toledo and found that being understood by people who’ve been down your road is a pretty good feeling.

I’m thankful there’s a place where I can go and just let my hair hang down, so to speak. I'm thankful my hair is growing back in.

In September I started my next set of chemo, Taxotere. And this year I walked in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure as a survivor. I’ve done these walks for years, starting with the Revlon walk in Los Angeles about 15 years ago. Once I moved Ohio I didn’t have anyone to walk with me so I stopped for a while. It was good to be back on track again. The office has a team that participates each year.

The Taxotere, in a word, kicked my butt!! I lost taste almost right away, had some more regular nausea and sores in my mouth. My skin started getting really dry and flaky, my fingernails and toenails felt bruised and tender, and my bones just hurt. I get tired really easily and it takes a lot longer to get things done. And the brain farts! Sometimes I wonder if I can string two, uh, what were those things, again? oh yeah, words! together. Also, we discovered that I’m allergic to it so I had to take even more steroids for that.

My final chemo was on Nov. 15, exactly one week before Thanksgiving. I might not have all my taste back by then, but I’ll really enjoy the dinner. It’s nice to be around family on holidays like this.

In my childhood Mom and Dad would pack up the kids (myself and two brothers, Victor and David) and travel over the river and through the woods to Grandma’s house, mostly in Ohio. We’d get up hours before dawn and try to arrive in time to see the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Mimi would have the turkey roasting and had made the pies the day before so the aromas when we got there were just awesome! Dinner was between whatever games were on that day, and dessert was late in the evening. Most of the time it was just us with Mimi & Grandpa and Anne & Denny, my mom’s youngest sister. A couple of Thanksgivings all of the aunts, uncles and cousins were there, too, and we had a blast.

The day after Thanksgiving my grandparents treated us all to a movie. As an adult I now appreciate the rest it gave them, but it was a wonderful treat for us all. We’d go home on Sunday loaded down with turkey sandwiches and great memories.

On Dec. 5 I will be going in for surgery to have a total mastectomy. I’ll be home the next day, recover for about a month and then begin radiation treatment. I don’t yet know how much or how extensive it will be. Then, six months after the radiation is complete I will have breast reconstruction. At that point, God willing, this journey will be at the end of its road.

I know that I will never be free from the shadow of cancer. For the rest of my life I will have to be hyper vigilant, but as I said earlier, I have a testimony of a loving Heavenly Father. I believe in the eternity of life; that even when I do die I will be with my family.

 

I am thankful for my life.

 

Father's Day

I know it’s late for Father’s Day, but it’s been a busy week for me.



I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, I lucked out with my parents. I am totally blessed. Today I want to introduce my dad, Dave Lundberg. When you first meet him you might think he’s, shall we say, taciturn? A reserved man, he doesn’t put himself forward. That doesn’t mean he’s shy, by any means. Once you get to know him he warms right up to you and is just as friendly and gregarious as you could want. It’s just that when he’s quiet, he’s really quiet.


Both of my parents love reading, but I get my almost insane love of books from Dad. (I can’t stand it if I don’t have a book to read nearby. Even if I don’t have the time, just the fact that it’s available is enough to calm me down.) He was a technical editor for many, many years. All of my English grades I got from doing my homework with him. Somebody told me once that Dad’s dream job is owning a bookstore.


During the 50s, when I was just a little tyke, he was in the Air Force and was stationed in Germany. He translated Russian back then, and after he finished his education in the States he worked at NSA for several years, also translating. Cool, huh? My dad – listening to the enemy. I didn’t realize this for a long, long time, but one of his best buds, whom he met in Germany, was an analyst for the CIA.


He still keeps up with the Russian and attends classes and lectures and events presented by expatriate Russians. Has a lot of fun.


He also is very involved in the VASA Order of America, a Swedish American Fraternal Organization. VASA began more than a century ago as a benefit fraternal society for Swedish immigrants to the United States. It was named for Gustav Vasa, the first King of modern Sweden. Today the organization provides members a means to share their rich heritage with fellow Americans and learn the lore and traditions of the “Old Country.”


My dad has been retired for a few years now and he and my mom are enjoying it very much. They’ve gone to several family reunions around the country, and attended a few Air Force Squadron reunions in the US and Europe. For their 50th Wedding Anniversary a few years ago they took a cruise along the Volga in – where else? – Russia.


Happy (belated) Father’s Day, Dad. Thanks for being the great guy you are.

On Mother's Day and Birthdays

This was to have been a celebratory weekend. Rick’s birthday was Saturday and Mother’s Day was Sunday. This year I received a special card from one of my Sunbeams who said I was “the best teacher ever!” Now, that’s something worth celebrating!

I called my mom, but they were at my brother David's celebrating with his family (wife Amy and nephew Joshua - see their blog "Dave & Amy's Journey"). They visited my other brother, Vic and his wife Linda, on Saturday. I miss being near them all and participating in family gatherings . Rick and I don’t live terribly far away, but our visits are usually reserved for the big holidays so we can have extra time to travel and visit.

The older I get the more grateful I am that my parents are who they are. Generally they did a good job raising all three of their children (myself and my two brothers, Victor and David). As for my faults and issues, they’re the product of my own choices, not theirs.

My parents raised us to be independent, self-motivated, clear-thinking individuals. (Like I said – my issues are my own, not my parents’.) We were given chores to do around the house and yard and were expected to participate in them as a family and we had family dinner every night. I have fond memories of us gathered around the table, passing food back and forth and sharing the happenings of our days. One memory stands out vividly. We were having hamburgers for dinner and my brother, Victor, was holding his in his lap between bites instead of putting it on the plate. Well, we had a dog, Max, a dachshund, and he just couldn’t stand it any more and decided most gratefully to accept the kind invitation my brother was giving him – by taking it out of his hand, almost taking a finger with it! Now, Max wasn’t the best trained dog in the world, but he wasn’t the worst either, and I defy any dog to withstand that kind of temptation.

My mom was – and still is – a very creative woman. She sewed almost all of my clothes and some of the boys’. When I got big enough, she taught me as well. Between them, she and my grandmother taught me to knit, crochet, embroider and needlepoint. I still enjoy those crafts today. Nowadays my mother is a very accomplished quilter and has won prizes in quilt shows around the nation, as well as teaching and leading workshops. You can find her at http://www.judylundberg.com/.

My dad is now retired. While I was growing up he was a technical editor in the government and in private industry. For several years he and my mom worked together running a typesetting business – but then desktop publishing started to intrude and dad got into other businesses, finally retiring as an employment counselor.

I feel pretty lucky to have the parents I have.

Saturday was my husband’s birthday. He just started a new job this past week, driving trucks (big rigs) for a company in Findlay, Ohio and ended up driving home all day Saturday. He actually didn’t mind it too much. He had time to sleep in on Saturday and not rush or worry about delivery, so he was going to enjoy the ride. He got up all rested and refreshed, the weather was clear and he was looking forward to a good day driving. I’m sure you can guess that things didn’t go as planned (well, they never do, do they?). He went to a truck wash and got his rig cleaned, and then couldn’t start it up afterward. He called dispatch and they found him a mechanic in the area, who showed up almost right away. He checked a few things and got it started, and Rick started tooling down the road again. I must say, we are both impressed with this company.

Needless to say, once he got to his delivery, and dropped it off, it was much later in the day than he intended. He finally got home around 9:00 that evening.

Through it all Rick was in a pretty good mood. He was really grateful that he broke down at the truck wash instead of at his delivery. Plus, he really liked the countryside he was driving through in SE Indiana and SW Ohio. Lots of nice woods interspersed with huge farms. He kept calling me and telling me about how great it all looked and how much he likes driving around and seeing the countryside. Even though he was working on his birthday, at least it was something he enjoys doing (for the most part. Thursday night wasn’t so hot.)

In a couple of weekends, when we have some time to celebrate, I’ll take Rick to his favorite place – Cabela’s – for elk burgers and some (window) shopping. Rick is an AVID fisherman and hunter and he really enjoys spending hours in that store checking out all the fishing gear, boating supplies, hunting clothes and camping equipment. He’s worse than I am in a book store!

This has turned into a much longer entry than I thought it would be, but I had a lot to share. I am truly grateful to my Heavenly Father for my family and my friends, especially my parents. I want you all to know that I love you and appreciate all you’ve done for me. I’m stubborn and thick-headed, but eventually I learn the right things. Thanks for hanging in there with me, and here’s looking forward to many, many more lessons to learn! Love you all.